Mind games for the sleepless

I’ve been having trouble sleeping. Oh, I fall asleep. Just wake up promptly after an hour, and twist & toss the rest of the night. I thought this line wasn’t supposed to come up for another 40 years or so. But then again, I always knew that ‘Oracle’ was never going to be the metier where I would make my first million.

Wondering just what will make me that first million is one half of the trouble, the other half is disappointment. I will never be a half-starved, fainting virgin who smokes stinky volcanic fumes, and delivers cryptic, and completely useless content, and probably faints away even before she can get that out properly! And after doing such a smashingly bad job of it, gets worshipped by everyone starting from the Emperor. What a job! In our modern society, we don’t have a use for these ‘women of foresight’… We’ve opinion polls, Gartner, and Dataquest instead. Progress & evolution are overrated (the Kansas Board of education will agree with me on the last – we’re still negotiating over the first).

Too much on the mind. Unable to take a break from obsessing about myself, my future, or lack thereof. Have already alienated vast droves of friends (alright, the 3 who bother to read my emails) with my endless whining. Frankly, even my parents can’t take it anymore. They just wish to get off the phone, I think… So they can sweet talk someone into marrying me – the job of consoling me will be that someone else’s duty.

It would be an exagerration to claim I’ve tried everything. But here are a few things I have tried:
a) ‘pursuing a healthy activity’, or a punishing, long walk (well, I did walk for a whole hour) – goal: to tire myself out
b) ‘twice, in one day – am I up to it?’ or stuffing myself at dinner – goal: to see if the blissful state of sleepiness I ascend to after lunch may be reached again, when I can actually do something about it
c) ‘killing brain cells’ or late night TV – goal: to lull the brain into a temporary state of coma
d) ‘the midnight nettoyage’ or taking a long, warm shower in the middle of the freaking night – relaxing (quite like it – love the sense of knowing I don’t have to get out of the nice warm water NOW to get to work), but certainly not sleep-inducing
e) ‘return to childhood’ or the warm glass of milk before going to bed – makes me feel great, I congradulate myself on my ‘wholesome’, ‘nutritious’ food choices (just the thought to assuage guilt from a day spent stuffing myself with chalupas, a variety of fried stuff (with and without cheese), topped off with ice-cream or Coke (regular – do not touch the Diet stuff) or both))

Result: am still here, tapping away at the darn key board.


1 comment so far

  1. Swami on

    When I was single and was a raving insomniac my main, failing strategy was to eat. And, eat I did. Sleep never embraced me but rotundity* and higher cholestrol did. It took me the better part of 2 years to shed those extra pounds off and is irrelevant to this comment :). Counting sheeps or matching the letters of the English Alphabet with names of cities and/or countries were two other useless strategies that I used to try with mindnumbing regularity. Yes, the mind went numb and the brain turned to mush but sleep? It never came.

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